I began a search on the Internet to read about this very subject, the human touch. My first overwhelming experience of human touch happened when my son, Noah, was an infant. Within just minutes of being born, he was experiencing his first touches. I wondered what he was experiencing as he was being moved from one person to another, how the nurses wash them off, in not the most gentle way or at least that is how I perceived it. And my first experience of him was seeing him lying on the table, totally naked and vulnerable, people doing this and that to him, and him crying uncontrollably. His face red, his lips quivering. I understand that you do want to hear that cry, but for Noah, it so sounded like a cry to return to the womb, to be once again enveloped in some one's love. No words, no compromises, no fears, just this immersion into the perfect love. No past to create a sense of insecurity.When he was finally put into my arms, I felt the most close to any human being than I had ever been. We spent many years, hugging, kissing, holding each other close.
As a single mother, who spends more hours at work than at home, being close to him physically had to be a priority for successful parenting. I made a decision, when he was a toddler that he would not be "made" to sleep in his own bed, and he could use the other half of mine. I was focused on his need to feel close to me, even though we spent so many hours away from each other during the day. I had a sense that I was on the right track when, in the middle of the night, I felt this little hand, touching my arm, looking for reassurance that I was present. It was very much a part of the bonding process. As he got bigger physically, and more independent emotionally and intellectually, our moments of physical closeness lessened. My life somehow became much more busy and stressful as his caretaker as well as that of my parents. I had more responsibilities at work, my own sense of feeling of alone-ness, the pressure of bills, home repairs, etc. and found myself spending less and less time, hugging my child. Mornings were rushed to get to school, evenings are full of homework, bath time, dinner, etc. It has become more of a habit of rushing him to and fro then taking a moment to feel him close, or to smell his hair, or to touch his hand. The other day, he was typing on the computer and I couldn't believe how large his hands had become. No little baby anymore! And still, he finds his way to my bed at night, lying close, and still sometimes reaching that hand to feel my presence. His size duped me, I thought he was older and didn't need that so much. But, I realized that I am 45, and desperately longing for someone to put their arms around me, don't need to say anything, don't need to fix the problem, just to hold me, touch me, and heal my humanness.
The need for touch is almost as powerful as the need for air, food and water. Studies have shown that there are destructive consequences of inadequate or inappropriate touch. Everone needs touch, despite your age. Recently, my mother (76) hugged me (45) goodbye when I was leaving for work, and telling me, that she doesn't know why she doesn't hug me more often, after all I was once her baby. And it felt great. It swept me back into my childhood and gave me a sense of connection, from what I was and what I have become.
There is a wonderful poem about the idea of the human touch, by Spencer Michael Free (1856-1938) :
’Tis the human touchin this world that counts,
The touch of your hand and mine,
Which means far more to the fainting heart
Than shelter and bread and wine.
For shelter is gonewhen the night is o’er,
And bread lasts only a day.
But the touch of the hand
And the sound of the voice
Sing on in the soul always.
I found this on www.suite101.com/article.cfm/womens_health/83603
"Are you interested in learning how to include touch in your
life? Here are a few beginning tips:
uncomfortable, try hugs. A good hug is a quick, anti-stress remedy, as
spiritually healing as hours of meditation. The person you are hugging has the
power, with their touch, to free you from the tyranny of your restless mind.
affectionate culture (except during a tragedy) but you can overcome this. Begin
with a friendly pat on a person's back. Walk arm and arm with a friend. When
talking to someone, gently touch his or her arm or hand during the conversation.
Small touches can go a long way to making a person's day.
develop into loving, caring adults, so spend more "touching" time with them. Snuggle with your children while watching television. Tackle them just for the fun of it, and even rub their backs while they sleep. I know not everyone is into the Family Bed, but for the first two years of each of my children's lives, they slept with me. It was crowded and inconvenient on occasion, but wonderful. They slept all night and woke each morning in a pleasant mood.
on receiving one in turn. Try to do this each night instead of having a cocktail. The benefits are long lasting. Even a self-massage has wonderful benefits. "
In the words of Bruce Springsteen:
"Oh girl, that feeling of safety that you prize,
Well it comes at a hard, hard price
You can't shut off the risk and the pain
Without losing the love that remains
We are all riders on this train."
I know that for me, I will hug and kiss my Mom and Son today, and everyday that God gives me with them.
Check out the Free Hug Campaign Video !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4
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